How to properly break-up with a girl friend

Most of us have struggled with the idea of cutting up a dear friend. Maybe she is your childhood friend, or a college friend, things have always been shaky between you two. You know she is a terrible friend, and you have tried to keep her close because you love her or she is familiar. She isn’t supportive, she is selfish, self-centered, and she belittles you. It is time to part ways; seriously, you need to dump her ASAP. I am a firm believer that the people are capable of changing, but that change can only happen once they are aware of how their behaviors have negatively affected those around them. Once they are aware of their toxic traits two things can happen 1) they start their self-awareness and healing journey or 2) they say, “That’s how I am. Take me or leave me.

Here is the thing, whether they decide to start their healing journey or decide to remain stuck in their ways, you can make the choice to distance yourself regardless. There is no easy way to break up with a friend, but if that person is toxic and has caused you pain and disappointment. You have to let them go or keep them in your life and will keep hurting you. Below are some ways you can approach the situation.

No ghosting

It is not okay to ghost them. Although, I have done that in the past but nothing was resolved. You have to talk it through. Be transparent about your feelings.

No blaming

It is easier to point fingers and blame them for your pain, rather than holding yourself accountable by realizing that this person is never going to be who you want them to be.

Accountability is key

Hold yourself accountable for the lack of boundaries. Hold yourself accountable for allowing their behavior to continue for so long.

Have a face-to-face conversation

Trust me on this. It is better to have difficult conversation in person. Things can be misinterpreted via texts. Meet them somewhere casual (my go to is Starbucks). Take some time to be present.

Be open

Do not go in there with your mind already made-up. make sure your ego is not present. Check your ego at the door. During the conversation, you might discover things about your friend that you did not know before. Be open to possibility working on your friendship, rather than breaking up.

 In the event that you do not want to friend with that person anymore, it is okay to say so. You do not have to be mean or nasty about it. Below are some examples of how you can approach the conversation. Be kind, and be clear with where you stand.

 If they are aware of their behavior and want to change, but you still want to walk away from the friendship:

“I am happy that you are aware of your toxic traits; however, you have caused me a lot of pain over the years. I will be cheering you on while you are on this journey of self-awareness and healing from a distance. I truly support your journey; however, I need to focus of my healing as well.”

If they are aware of their behavior and have no interest in changing:

”You are right! I cannot force you to change your behavior. That is how you are, but I am deciding that I no longer want to be on the receiving end of your toxic behavior. I still love you very much, but I need to distance myself.”

Lastly, take your time to grieve. I have decided to walk away from friends whom I still very much care about. My love for them never ceased. I’m still rooting for them, and i genuinely want to them to win. I want nothing but the best for them. Do I miss them? Of course, but those relationships weren’t healthy. I believe that people can evolve, and i’ll be more than willing to start over and rebuild the friendship on healthier boundaries.

Vanessa PrincivilComment