I don't need to be liked. I need boundaries

Are you struggling with setting healthy boundaries?

You are not alone; because most of us find it difficult when it comes to setting boundaries. We allow people to move in our lives as they see fit. A lack of boundaries creates resentment and compassion fatigue. People with no boundaries are always frustrated, and always feel used. In reality, your friends and family are not using you; they are operating in ways that you have allowed. They are treating you the way that you have thought them to treat you.

The best way to stay out of resentment is better boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves within our relationships. A person with healthy boundaries is able to say “no” when they want to. They are also comfortable opening themselves to intimacy and close relationships.

Here are some tips to consider when setting boundaries

1.      Know your limits: What is acceptable to you, and what is not. Do this before involving yourself with anyone or situation.

2.      Know your values: Your values will determine your limits. Find out what is important to you, and protect it.

3.      Have self-respect: If you always give in to others, ask yourself “ am I showing as much respect to myself as I show to others.” Open boundaries might be due to your attempt to be likes by others.

4.      Listen to your emotions: If you notice feelings of discomfort or resentment, do not ignore them. Explore those feelings and find the root of them. The feeling of resentment can often be traced to feelings of being taken advantage of.

5.      Be assertive:  Express your own needs, desires, ideas and feelings, while also considering the needs of others.  Say “NO” respectfully, but without the ambiguity. If you can make a compromise while respecting your own boundaries, try it.

6.      Consider the long view:  Some days you will give more than you take, and other days you will take more than you give. Be willing to take a longer view of relationships, when appropriate. However, if you are always the one who is giving or taking, there might be a problem.